Phoenix Criminal Lawyer
December 15th, 2008 by admin

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye….It reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES

He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought….

Soon he sees another sign which reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES

Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, ‘What may we do for you ! my son? ‘

He answers, ‘I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business….’

‘Very well my son. Please follow me.’ He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, ‘Please knock on this door.’

He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door… This nun instructs, ‘Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway.’

He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him.

The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign:

GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER

December 11th, 2008 by admin

It’s so nice to be home and unemployed.  The stress levels have gone down tremendously.  It’s so nice not to have to wake up early and drive a long, boring and stressful 1-hour commute.  Then I have to go into an office and deal with co-workers that I absolutely can’t stand being with.  I feel like I was in a jail all day long.  Then leave work and deal with that aweful 1 hour commute again.

I can honestly say, I don’t miss any of it.  I just wish all of my friends would stop wasting time at day jobs as well.  We’d have more time to hang out.  Every time I contact a friend, they are always too busy.  Their day jobs eat away all of their quality time.  They are all too exhausted to do anything in their free time.  With any free time they have left, they are using it for personal errands or doing stuff with family.

Day jobs are a curse.  Everyone should find a way to work a few hours per month from home and still obtain the same or more income that they did before.  Make money in stocks and bonds, Forex, investments.  Hell, even join an MLM and make it work. I don’t care what you do… just STAY HOME and MAKE MONEY and stop burning up 50+ hours per week on a day job.  Life is too short to waste your whole life working for someone else.

Hopefully with all of the layoffs coming in 2009, many of my friends will be able to stay home during the day.  Then we can all go fishing, deep sea diving, ride jet skiis or better yet, we can go drinking.

Life is short!  Drop that day job like a bad habit.  Stay home and spend more time with family and friends.  Learn something from retired people.  Why wait until you’re 65?  Quit work now!  Downsize your life.  Get rid of the expensive homes and cars.  Live simple and have no stress.  Get out of debt.  File bankruptcy and get rid of those high maintenance lifestyles.  You’ll learn that friends and relatives are more important than any day job you could ever have.  Either pay off the car you have or buy a used one and pay it off.  If you don’t have a lot of money to invest in stocks, bonds or Forex, then start reading the want ads for business opportunities.  Try all of the ones in the paper until you find one that works.  Try some of the stuffing envelopes things.  Maybe one will pay off. You won’t know unti you try.

Think positive!

October 14th, 2008 by admin

The Zolad just forwarded this email:

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Doesn’t this kinda explain on why you should vote for McCain.  Also keep in mind that Lincoln was a Democrat.  Man how times have changed!

Wise Words - Abraham Lincoln

During this political season let’s be reminded of these wise words.

You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich.
You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.
You cannot lift the wage earner up by pulling the wage payer down.
You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred.
You cannot build character and courage by taking away people’s
initiative and independence.
You cannot help people permanently by doing for them, what they could
and should do for themselves.

- Abraham Lincoln

October 11th, 2008 by admin

Somebody forwarded this email to me… this is very scary.  We are all going to be so screwed if Obama becomes president.  As much as you may not like McCane, you better vote for him or we’re all dead meat.

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About a year ago, I would have voted for Obama.  I have changed my mind three times since then.  I watch all the news channels, jumping from one to another. I must say this drives my husband crazy.  But, I feel if you view MSNBC, CNN, and FOX News, you might get some middle ground to work with.

About six months ago, I started thinking, ‘Where did the money come from for Obama?’  I have four daughters who went to college, and we were middle class, and money was tight.  We (including my girls) worked hard and there were lots of student loans.  I started looking into Obama’s life.  Around 1979, Obama started college at Occidental in California .  He is very open about his two years at Occidental, he tried all kinds of drugs and was wasting his time but, even though he had a brilliant mind, did not apply himself to his studies.  ‘Barry’ (that was the name he used all his life) during this time had two roommates, Muhammad Hasan Chandoo and Wahid Hamid, both from Pakistan

During the summer of 1981, after his second year in college, he made a ’round the world’ trip.  Stopping to see his mother in Indonesia , next Hyderabad in India , three weeks in Karachi , Pakistan where he stayed with his roommate’s family.  My question - Where did he get the money for this trip?  Neither I, nor any one of my children would have had money for a trip like this when they were in college.  When he came back he started school at Columbia University in New York .  It is at this time he wants everyone to call him Barak - not Barry.  Do you know what the tuition is at Columbia ?  It’s not cheap to say the least.  Where did he get money for tuition?  Student Loans maybe ?

After Columbia , he went to Chicago to work as a Community Organizer for $12,000  Year.  Why Chicago ?  Why not New York ?  He was already living in New York . By ‘chance’ he met Antoin ‘Tony’ Rezko, born in Aleppo Syria , and a real estate developer in Chicago .  Rezko has been convicted of fraud and bribery this year. Rezko was named ‘Entrepreneur of the Decade’ by the Arab-American Business and Professional Association.  About two hears later, Obama entered Harvard Law School .  Do you have any idea what tuition is for Harvard Law School ?  Where did he get the money for Law School ?  More student loans?

After law school, he went back to Chicago   Rezko offered him a job, which he turned down.  But, he did take a job with Davis, Miner, Barnhill & Galland.  Guess what?  They represented ‘Rezar’ which was Rezko’s firm.  Rezko was one of Obama’s first major financial contributors when he ran for office in Chicago .  In 2003, Rezko threw an early fundraiser for Obama which Chicago Tribune reporter David Mendelland claims was instrumental in providing Obama with ’seed money’ for his U.S. Senate race.  In 2005, Obama purchased a new home in Kenwood District of Chicago for $1.65 million (less than the asking price.  With ALL those Student Loans? Where did he get the money for the property?  On the same day, Rezko’s wife, Rita, purchased the adjoining empty lot for full price.

The London Times reported that Nadhmi Auchi, an Iraqi-born Billionaire loaned Rezko $3.5 million three weeks before Obama’s new home was purchased.  Obama met Nadhmi Auchi many times with Rezko.  Now that we have Obama running for President.  Valerie Jarrett was Michele Obama’s boss.  She is now Obama’s chief advisor and he does not make any major decisions without talking to her first.  Where was Jarrett born?  Ready for this?  Shiraz , Iran !  Do we see a pattern here?  Or am I going crazy?

On May 10, 2008, the Times reported, Robert Malley, advisor to Obama was ’sacked after the press found out he was having regular contacts with ‘Hamas,’ which controls Gaza and is connected with Iran .

This past week, buried in the back part of the papers, Iraqi newspapers reported that during Obama’s visit to Iraq , he asked their leaders to do nothing about the war until after he is elected, and he will ‘take care of things.’

Oh, and by the way, remember the college roommates that were born in Pakistan ?  They are in charge of all these ’small’ Internet campaign contributions for Obama.  Where is that money coming from?  The poor and middle class in this country?  Or could it be from the Middle East ?  And the final bit of news.  On September 7, 2008, the Washington Times posted a verbal slip that was made on ‘This Week’ with George Stephanapoulos.  Obama on talking about his religion said, ‘My Muslim faith…’  When questioned, ‘he made a mistake.’  Some mistake!

All of the above information I got on line.  If you would like to check it - Wikipedia, encyclopedia, Barak Obama; Tony Rezko; Valerie Jarrett; Daily Times - Obama visited Pakistan in 1981; The Washington Times - September 7, 2008; The Times, May 10, 2008.

Now the BIG question - If I found out all this information on my own, why haven’t all of our ‘intelligent’ members of the press been reporting this?  A phrase that keeps ringing in my ear - ‘Beware of the enemy from within’!’

October 8th, 2008 by admin

CEO –Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO– Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER — What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW– The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use.

October 6th, 2008 by admin

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, ‘What is Politics?’

Dad says, ‘Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The President. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People. The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.’

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, ‘Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.’

The father says, ‘Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.’

The little boy replies, ‘The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep s%#t.’

October 2nd, 2008 by admin

Somebody sent me these, so I thought I’d post them here to give you all a laugh…  If you get a chuckle, please send out the URL to this message to somebody.

http://www.johnfoglesong.com/jokes-i-got-in-an-email/

Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

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Q. What’s a mixed feeling?

A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

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Q What’s the height of conceit?

A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

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Q. What’s the definition of macho?

A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

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Q. What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?

A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

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Q. Do you know how the Irish practice safe sex?

A. They spray paint X’s on the back of the sheep that kick!

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Q.Why is divorce so expensive?

A. Because it’s worth it!

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Q. What is a Yankee?

A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

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Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?

A. They both like a tight seal.

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Q. What do a Chris tmas tree and a priest have in common?

A. Their balls are just for decoration.

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Q.What is the difference between ‘ooooooh’and ‘aaaaaaah’?

A. About three inches.

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Q: What’s the difference between purple and pink?

A. The grip.

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Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?

A. It’s not hard.

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Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

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Q: What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

A: 45 pounds.

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Q: What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

A: 45 minutes.

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Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A: Breasts don’t have eyes.

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Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?

A. The swallow.

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Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?

A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
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Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A .. They don’t have balls to scratch!