A little boy goes to his dad and asks, ‘What is Politics?’

Dad says, ‘Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The President. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People. The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.’

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, ‘Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.’

The father says, ‘Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.’

The little boy replies, ‘The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep s%#t.’

Somebody sent me these, so I thought I’d post them here to give you all a laugh…  If you get a chuckle, please send out the URL to this message to somebody.

http://www.johnfoglesong.com/jokes-i-got-in-an-email/

Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

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Q. What’s a mixed feeling?

A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

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Q What’s the height of conceit?

A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

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Q. What’s the definition of macho?

A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

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Q. What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?

A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

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Q. Do you know how the Irish practice safe sex?

A. They spray paint X’s on the back of the sheep that kick!

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Q.Why is divorce so expensive?

A. Because it’s worth it!

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Q. What is a Yankee?

A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

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Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?

A. They both like a tight seal.

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Q. What do a Chris tmas tree and a priest have in common?

A. Their balls are just for decoration.

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Q.What is the difference between ‘ooooooh’and ‘aaaaaaah’?

A. About three inches.

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Q: What’s the difference between purple and pink?

A. The grip.

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Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?

A. It’s not hard.

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Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

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Q: What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

A: 45 pounds.

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Q: What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

A: 45 minutes.

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Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A: Breasts don’t have eyes.

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Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?

A. The swallow.

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Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?

A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
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Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A .. They don’t have balls to scratch!

A  store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman  may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance  is  a description of how the store  operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of   the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper   may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to   the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the   building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first  floor  the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign   reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

‘That’s nice,’ she thinks, ‘but I want more.’

So she continues upward. The third floor sign   reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good   Looking.

‘Wow,’ she thinks, but feels compelled to keep   going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign   reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and  Help  With Housework.

‘Oh, mercy me!’ she exclaims, ‘I can hardly stand   it!’

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign   reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with   Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic   Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign   reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this   floor.. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to   please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband   Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

The Zolad just forwarded another one of his emails of how he responded to one of those spammers.  He found it in his SENT folder from a very long time ago.  See his reply above and then see the original email of the spammer below… I was on the floor.

———————–

—– Forwarded Message —-
From: The Zolad
To: stevenwalker@walkerpc.net
Sent: Sunday, May 14, 2006 8:56:24 PM
Subject: Re: Greetings - YOU CAN MAKE A FORTUNE!!

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self-help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets are not going as ghosts but as mattresses?

If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him…is he still wrong?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself is it considered a hostage situation?

Is there another word for synonym?

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?

Where do forest rangers go to ‘get away from it all’?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

How do blind people know when they are done wiping?

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.

How is it possible to have a civil war?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word ‘lisp’ to have a ’s’ in it?

Why are hemorrhoids called ‘hemorrhoids’ instead of ‘assteroids’?

Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a ‘gripe sheet,’  which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews, albeit they may lack a formal higher education, has ever lacked a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ‘ pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Probably because auto-land is not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode has a 200 ft. per min. descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF IS inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
PS: Aircraft acting funny
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.