(A Message received from The Zolad)

How To Save the Government $5 Million:

A president’s pension currently is $191,300 per year and ends when they turn age 80.

Assuming the next president lives to age 80. Sen. McCain would receive ZERO pension as he would reach 80 at the end of two terms as president.

Sen. Obama would be retired for 26 years after two terms and would receive $4,973,800 in pension.

Therefore it would certainly make economic sense to elect McCain in November.

How’s that for non-partisan thinking???

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self-help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets are not going as ghosts but as mattresses?

If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him…is he still wrong?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself is it considered a hostage situation?

Is there another word for synonym?

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?

Where do forest rangers go to ‘get away from it all’?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

How do blind people know when they are done wiping?

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.

How is it possible to have a civil war?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word ‘lisp’ to have a ’s’ in it?

Why are hemorrhoids called ‘hemorrhoids’ instead of ‘assteroids’?

Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?

First off… WHO IS JACK WHEELER?

Jack Wheeler is a brilliant man who was the author of Reagan’s strategy to break the back of the Soviet Union with the star wars race and expose their inner weakness. For years he wrote a weekly intelligence update that was extremely interesting and well structured and informed. He consults(ed) with several mega corporations on global trends and the future, etc. I think he is in semi-retirement now. He is a true patriot with a no-nonsense approach to everything. He is also a somewhat well known mountain climber and adventurer.

**********************************
Written by Dr. Jack Wheeler
The O-man, Barack Hussein Obama, is an eloquently tailored empty suit. No resume, no accomplishments, no experience, no original ideas, no understanding of how the economy works, no understanding of how the world works, no balls, nothing but abstract empty rhetoric devoid of real substance.

He has no real identity. He is half-white, which he rejects. The rest of him is mostly Arab, which he hides but is disclosed by his non-African Arabic surname and his Arabic first and middle names as a way to triply proclaim his Arabic parentage to people in Kenya . Only a small part of him is African Black from his Luo grandmother, which he pretends he is exclusively.

What he isn’t, not a genetic drop of, is ‘African-American,’ the descendant of enslaved Africans brought to America chained in slave ships. He hasn’t a single ancestor who was a slave. Instead, his Arab ancestors were slave owners. Slave-trading was the main Arab business in East Africa for centuries until the British ended it.

Let that sink in: Obama is not the descendant of slaves, he is the descendant of slave owners. Thus he makes the perfect Liberal Messiah.

It’s something Hillary doesn’t understand - how some complete neophyte came out of the blue and stole the Dem nomination from her. Obamamania is beyond politics and reason. It is a true religious cult, whose adherents reject Christianity yet still believe in Original Sin, transferring it from the evil of being human to the evil of being white.

Thus Obama has become the white liberals’ Christ, offering absolution from the Sin of Being White. There is no reason or logic behind it, no faults or flaws of his can diminish it, no arguments Hillary could make of any kind can be effective against it. The absurdity of Hypocrisy Clothed In Human Flesh being their Savior is all the more cause for liberals to worship him: Credo quia absurdum, I believe it because it is absurd.

Thank heavens that the voting majority of Americans remain Christian and are in no desperate need of a phony savior.

His candidacy is ridiculous and should not be taken seriously by any thinking American.

Pass this on to every thinking American you know!

Just received this email today.   I know we have two evils to vote for coming in the next election.  As much as many of you  dislike McCain, he is the lesser of these two evils.

The writer of this essay is Jerry Molen, an Academy Award winning Hollywood Producer, who produced Jurassic Park , Hook, Rain Man and many more classic movies, and who won the Academy Award for
Schindler’s List.

Jerry is one of the very few conservatives in Hollywood but wants to include Democrats.

He says:

We are about to make the Mother-of-All-Mistakes, because the Republican Party gave us no reliable alternative. If the conservative movement does not rally behind the only alternative left to us, this country will become a true Socialist State within the next two Presidential terms.

Ladies and Gentleman, this is the most grave situation this nation has faced in my lifetime.   We just experienced an over hyped, outrageous primary election season that has left me wondering where the heads of our citizens are hiding .. Must be someplace where the sun doesn’t go very often.

At one time in my life I was a determined, dedicated and ever-loyal registered Democrat. Then something happened.  Lyndon Baines Johnson, that turned my life around and gave me pause for the veracity of a party that lives and feeds off of the most unfortunate among us. Some of them are in their positions in life by their own choosing, others by outside circumstance. But always, always there was a door open to them, to reach for new heights, achieve new goals, change their lives for the better.  Similarly, there have always been the bottom feeders, doing what they could to take advantage of those who had not or have not seen better days, nor realized that they in fact were the masters of their own destiny.

These unfortunates had come to believe that they were dependent on people in Washington, who would look out for and take care of them. They waited and still wait for all those promised freebies.

Most people don’t reflect upon the fact that the Democrats ruled Washington for over 40 years; it wasn’t until 1994 when the so-called Gingrich Revolution changed  but only for a while. These same people do not realize that it was the Democrats who created the failed policies of the entitlement programs that are now falling apart before our eyes.

Do not think I find the Republicans blameless in all this. They, too, suffer from the ego and greed built into our system.  But in the past few months I have listened with growing horror to the railings of the left, calling for yet more giveaways, more promises of a proverbial free lunch. What sums up my feelings, why I am appalled by those in political power is contained within a quote by basketball legend and talk show host Charles Barkley. ‘Poor people have been voting for Democrats for the last fifty years…and they are still poor.’

Now, with our elections, come yet more new promises of change we can believe in, for the future.  But if you really, I mean REALLY listen to what the new messiah is asking for, it is not change of policy or change for the better.   This is a warning that he wants our change.  And the change you will get will not be the change you expected or wanted.  I leave you my predictions of what  will happen if the junior Senator from Illinois becomes President especially if the House and Senate are veto-proof Democrat.

1) Strict gun laws, though he promised he would not.

2). In God We Trust will be removed from all currency.

3). He will renege on his pledge to Israel and leave them to the wolves
of  Islam.

4). Hillary Clinton will be named to the Supreme Court.

5) Tax rates will surge to the highest  levels in 30 years.

6. Capital gains tax will be at least double current levels.

7) Retired Army General Wesley Clark will be named Secretary of Defense.

Our borders will be open to all comers especially from the
Middle East and South America.

9). Amnesty will be granted to all illegals in the U.S, regardless of status or even gang membership (think MS-13).

10). Our presence in Iraq will come to an abrupt end with tragic results to their citizens and devastating consequences to our military.

My predictions will not sit well with some people.  The best we could hope
for is that I am wrong.

Any bets?

I was forwarded this email that was supposedly said by Ben Stein.  Sounds interesting.

My  confession:

I am a Jew, and every single one of my  ancestors was Jewish.  And it does not bother me even a little bit  when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees, Christmas  trees..  I don’t feel threatened.  I don’t feel discriminated  against. That’s what they are:  Christmas trees.

It  doesn’t bother me a bit when people say, ‘Merry Christmas’ to me.  I  don’t think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a  ghetto.  In fact, I kind of like it  It shows that we are all  brothers and sisters celebrati ng this happy time of year. It doesn’t bother  me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near  my beach house in Malibu .  If people want a creche, it’s just as fine  with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I  don’t like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don’t think Christians  like getting pushed around for being Christians.  I think people who  believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period.  I  have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist  country.  I can’t find it in the Constitution and I don’t like it being  shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way:  where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we  aren’t allowed to worship God as we understand Him?  I guess that’s  a sign that I’m getting old, too.   But there are a lot of us who  are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the   America we knew went to.

In light of the many jokes we  send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different:  This is not  intended to be a joke;  it’s not funny, it’s intended to get you  thinking.

Billy Graham’s daughter was interviewed on the  Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her ‘How could God let something like this  happen?’ (regarding Katrina) Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and  insightful response.  She said, ‘I believe God is deeply saddened by  this, just as we are, but for years we’ve been telling God to get out of our  schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our  lives.  And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly  backed out.  How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His  protection if we demand He leave us alone?’

In light of  recent events… terrorists attack, school shootings, etc.  I think it  started when Madeleine Murray O’Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few  years ago) complained she didn’t want prayer in our schools, and we said  OK.  Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school.  The  Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor  as yourself.  And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock  said we shouldn’t spank our children when they misbehave because their little  personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr  Spock’s son committed suicide).  We said an expert should know what he’s  talking about.  And we said OK.

Now we’re asking ourselves  why our children have no conscience, why they don’t know  right from wrong, and why it doesn’t bother them to kill strangers, their  classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think about it long  and hard enough, we can figure it out.  I think it has a great deal to do  with ‘WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.’

Funny how simple it is for  people to trash God and then wonder why the world’s going to hell  Funny  how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.   Funny how you can send ‘jokes’ through e-mail and they spread like  wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think  twice about sharing.  Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles  pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in  the school and workplace.

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a ‘gripe sheet,’  which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews, albeit they may lack a formal higher education, has ever lacked a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ‘ pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Probably because auto-land is not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode has a 200 ft. per min. descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF IS inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
PS: Aircraft acting funny
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.