Phoenix Criminal Lawyer
June 22nd, 2008 by admin

1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men’s, used, size 14-16 work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of “Guns & Ammo” magazines.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Hey Bubba,

Big Jim, Duke , Slim, & I went for more ammunition. Back
in an hour. Don’t mess with the pit bulls - they attacked the mailman this
morning and messed him up real bad. I don’t think Killer took part in it
but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of ‘em
in the house. Better wait outside.

Cooter

June 22nd, 2008 by admin

01.   Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
02.   The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
03.   It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
04.   Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
05.   Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
06.   Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
07.   If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
08    Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes
09.   If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.
10.   Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11.   If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.
12.   If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
13.   Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.
14.   Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15.   The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16.   A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17.   Duct tape is like ‘The Force’. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
18.   There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19.   Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.
20.   Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
21.   Never miss a good chance to shut up.
22.   Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

June 22nd, 2008 by admin

WOULD YOU REMARRY??

A Husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks THE question…..

WIFE: ‘What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?

HUSBAND: ‘Definitely not!’

WIFE: ‘Why not? Don’t you like being married?’

HUSBAND: ‘Of course I do.’

WIFE: ‘Then why wouldn’t you remarry?’

HUSBAND: ‘Okay, okay, I’d get married again.’

WIFE: ‘You would?’ (with a hurt look)

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: ‘Would you live in our house?’

HUSBAND: ‘Sure, it’s a great house.’

WIFE: ‘Would you sleep with her in our bed?’

HUSBAND: ‘Where else would we sleep?’

WIFE: ‘Would you let her dri ve my car?’

HUSBAND: ‘Probably, it is almost new.’

WI FE: ‘Would you replace my pictures with hers?’

HUSBAND: ‘That would seem like the proper thing to do’

WIFE: ‘Would you give her my jewelry?’

HUSBAND : ‘No, I’m sure she’d want her own.’

WIFE: ‘Would you take her golfing with you?

HUSBAND: ‘Yes, those are always good times.’

WIFE: ‘Would she use my clubs?

HUSBAND: ‘No, she’s left-handed.’

WIFE: —– silence ——

HUSBAND: “Oops”

June 21st, 2008 by admin

I will continue to forward this every time it comes around!
STROKE: Remember The 1st Three Letters…. S.T.R.

My nurse friend sent this and encouraged me to post it and spread the word and I agree.

If everyone can remember something this simple, we could save some folks. Seriously..

Please read:

STROKE IDENTIFICATION:

During a BBQ, a friend stumbled and took a little fall, she assured everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) …..she said she had just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes.

They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food. While she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening.

Ingrid’s husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital - (at 6:00 pm Ingrid passed away.) She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ. Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Ingrid would be with us today. Some don’t die, they end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead.

It only takes a minute to read this…

A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke… totally . He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough.

RECOGNIZING A STROKE
Thank God for the sense to remember the ‘3′ steps, STR . Read and Learn!

Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke .

Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:

S * Ask the individual to SMILE.
T * Ask the person to TALK and SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently) i.e. It is sunny out today)
R * Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS .

If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call 911 immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.

New Sign of a Stroke ——- Stick out Your Tongue

NOTE: Another ’sign’ of a stroke is this: Ask the person to ’stick’ out his tongue.. If the tongue is ‘crooked’, if it goes to one side or the other , that is also an indication of a stroke.

June 21st, 2008 by admin

I’m Still waiting….

I did what you told me .  I sent the email to 10 people like you said . I’m still waiting for that miracle to happen .    To all my friends who in the last year sent me best ‘wishes’, chain letters, ‘angel’ letters or other promises of good luck if I forwarded something,  NONE OF THAT  SHIT  WORKED! For 2008 & 2009, could you please just send money, chocolate, movie tickets or gasoline vouchers, or airline tickets instead?

Thank you!

June 20th, 2008 by admin

Jay Leno wrote this; it’s the Jay Leno we don’t often see….


” As most of you know I am not a President Bush fan, nor have I ever been, but this is not about Bush, it is about us, as Americans, and it seems to hit the mark ‘The other day I was reading Newsweek magazine and came across some Poll data I found rather hard to believe.  It must be true given the source, right?  The Newsweek poll alleges that 67 percent of Americans are unhappy with the direction the country is headed and 69 percent of the country is unhappy with the performance of the President. In essence 2/3 of the citizenry just ain’t happy and want a change. So being the knuckle dragger I am, I started thinking, “What are we so unhappy about?”

  1. Is it that we have electricity and running water 24 hours a day, 7 Days a week?
  2. Is our unhappiness the result of having air conditioning in the summer and heating in the winter?
  3. Could it be that 95.4 percent of these unhappy folks have a job?
  4. Maybe it is the ability to walk into a grocery store at any time and see more food in moments than Darfur has seen in the last year?
  5. Maybe it is the ability to drive our cars and trucks from the Pacific
    Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean without having to present identification papers as we move through each state?
  6. Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe motels we would find along the way that can provide temporary shelter?
  7. I guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine from around the world is just not good enough either.
  8. Or could it be that when we wreck our car, emergency workers show up and provide services to help all and even send a helicopter to take you to the hospital.
  9. Perhaps you are one of the 70 percent of Americans who own a home.
  10. You may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of a fire, a group of trained firefighters will appear in moments and use top notch equipment to extinguish the flames, thus saving you, your family, and your belongings.
  11. Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen TVs, a burglar or prowler intrudes, an officer equipped with a gun and a bullet-proof vest will come to defend you and your family against attack or loss.
  12. This, all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or militias raping and pillaging the residents, Neighborhoods where 90% of teenagers own cell phones and computers.
  13. How about the complete religious, social and political freedoms we enjoy that are the envy of everyone in the world?

Maybe that is what has 67% of you folks unhappy.

Fact is, we are the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats the world has ever seen.  No wonder the world loves the U.S. , yet has a great disdain for its citizens.  They see us for what we are. The most blessed people in the world who do nothing but complain about what we don’t have, and what we hate about the country instead of thanking the good Lord we live here.

I know, I know. What about the president who took us into war and has no PLAN to get us out?   The president who has a measly 31 percent approval rating? Is this the same president who guided the nation in the dark days after 9/11?   The president who cut taxes to bring an economy out of recession?   Could this be the same guy who has been called every name in the book for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled ungrateful brats safe from terrorist attacks, the commander in chief of an all-volunteer army that is out there defending you and me?

Did you hear how bad the President is on the news or talk show? Did this news affect you so much, make you so unhappy you couldn’t take a look around for yourself and see all the good things and be glad? Think about it……are you upset at the President because he actually caused you personal pain OR is it because the ‘Media’ told you he was failing to kiss your sorry ungrateful behind every day.  Make no mistake about it.  The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have volunteered to serve, and in many cases may have died for your freedom.  There is currently no draft in this country.  They didn’t have to go.  They are able to refuse to go and end up with either a ”general” discharge, an ‘other than honorable” discharge or, worst case scenario, a “dishonorable” discharge after a few days in the brig.

So, why then the flat-out discontentment in the minds of 69 percent of Americans?

Say what you want but I blame it on the media.   If it bleeds it leads and they specialize in bad news.  Everybody will watch a car crash with blood and guts.  How many will watch kids selling lemonade at the corner? The media knows this and media outlets are for-profit corporations.  They offer what sells, and when criticized, try to defend their  actions by ‘justifying’ them in one way or another. Just ask why they tried to allow a murderer like O.J Simpson to write a book about how he didn’t kill his wife, but if he did he would have done it this way……Insane!

Turn off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for the bottom of your bird cage.  Then start being grateful for all we have as country. There is exponentially more good than bad.  We are among the most blessed people on Earth and should thank God several times a day, or at least be thankful and appreciative.’  ‘With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, ‘Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?’

Jay Leno

June 18th, 2008 by admin

This was recently forwarded to me.  This guy looks pissed and I don’t blame him.  This goes to show you that CASH is NOT KING.

—————————————-

Best Buy Store
I checked Snopes and learned this is true.  Click on the bottom links for their store policy.  Before you purchase ANYTHING at Best Buy, you better read this and then click on the link at the end to confirm.

BEST BUY, MY FOOT

Best Buy has some bad policies….

Normally, I would not share this with others, however, since this could happen to you or your friends , I decided to share it. If you purchase something from, Wal-Mart, Sam’s Club, JC Penny, Sears etc. and you return the item with the receipt they will give you your money back if you paid cash, or credit your account if paid by plastic.

Well, I purchased a GPS for my car, a Tom Tom XL.S from ‘Best Buy’. They have a policy that it must be returned within 14 days for a refund!

So after 4 days I returned it in the original box with all the items in the box, with paper work and cords all wrapped in the plastic. Just as I received it, including the receipt.
I explained to the lady at the return desk I did not  like the way it could not find store names. The lady at the refund desk said, there is a 15% restock fee, for items returned. I said no one told me that. I said how much would that be. She said it goes by the price of the item. It will be $45.00 Dollars for you. I said, all your going to do is walk over and place it back on the shelf then charge me $45.00 of my money for restocking? She said that’s the store policy. I said if more people were aware of it they would not buy anything here! If I bought a $2000.00 computer or TV and returned it I would be charged $300.00 dollars restock fee? She said yes, 15%.

I said OK, just give me my money minus the restock fee.

She said, since the item is over $200.00 dollars, she can’t give me my money back!!!

Corporate has to and they will mail you a check in 7 to ten days.!! I said ‘WHAT?!’

It’s my money!! I paid in cash! I want to buy a different brand..Now I have to wait 7 to 10 days. She said well, our policy is on the back of your receipt.

I said, do you read the front or back of your receipt? She said well, the front! I said so do I, I want to talk to the Manager!.

So the manager comes over, I explained everything to him, and he said, well, sir they should of told you about the policy when you got the item. I said, No one, has ever told me about the check refund or restock fee, whenever I bought items from computers to TVs from Best Buy. The only thing they ever discussed was the worthless extended warranty program. He said Well, I can give you corporate phone number.

I called corporate. The guy said, well, I’m not supposed to do this but I can give you a 45.00 dollar gift card and you can use it at Best Buy. I told him if I bought something and returned it, you would charge me a restock fee on the item and then send me a check for the remaining 3 dollars. You can keep your gift card, I’m never shopping in Best Buy ever again, and if I would of been smart, I would of charged the whole thing on my credit card! Then I would of canceled the transaction.

I would of gotten all my money back including your stupid fees! He didn’t say a word!

I informed him that I was going to e-mail my friends and give them a heads up on this stores policy, as they don’t tell you about all the little caveats.

So please pass this on. It may save your friends from having a bad experience of shopping at Best Buy.

It’s true! read it for yourself!! Best Buys return policy.