Phoenix Criminal Lawyer
June 13th, 2008 by admin

A woman calls her mother. ‘I’m divorcing Sam! All he wants is anal sex! My asshole is now the size of a 50-cent piece when it used to be the size of a nickel!’

Mother says, ‘You’re married to a multi-millionaire, you live in an 8-bedroom mansion, you drive a Ferrari, you get $5,000 a week allowance you take 8 vacations a year, and you want to throw all that away for 45 cents?’

June 9th, 2008 by admin

This was written before oil shot to $138/barrel.

Just in case you would like to know.

WHERE TO BUY
AMERICAN GASOLINE.  THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO KNOW.  READ ON.

Gas rationing in the 70’s worked even though we grumbled about it.  It might even have been good for us!


Are you aware that the Saudis are boycotting American products?


Shouldn’t we return the favor?
Can’t we take control of our own destiny and let these giant oil importers know who REALLY generates their profits, their livings?  How about leaving American Dollars in America and reduce the import/export deficit?

An appealing remedy might be to boycott their GAS.  Every time you fill up your car you can avoid putting more money into the coffers of Saudi Arabia .  Just purchase gas from companies that don’t import their oil from the Saudis.

Nothing is more frustrating than the feeling that every time I fill up my tank, I’m sending my money to people who I get the impression want me, my family and my friends dead.   Don’t you think it might be of interest to know which oil companies import Middle Eastern oil and which do not?

These companies import Middle Eastern oil:


Shell……………………………..      205,742,000 barrels

Chevron/Texaco………………       144,332,000 barrels
Exxon /Mobil…………………..       130,082,000 barrels
Marathon/Speedway…………       117,740,000 barrels
Amoco…………………………..       62,231,000 barrels

And CITGO oil is imported from Venezuela by Dictator Hugo Chavez who hates America and openly avows our economic destruction!  (We pay Chavez’s regime nearly $10 Billion per year in oil revenues!)

The U.S. currently imports 5,517,000 barrels of crude oil per day from OPEC.  If you do the math at $95 per barrel, that’s over $524 million PER DAY ($191 BILLION per year!) handed over to OPEC, many of whose members are our confirmed enemies!!!!!

Here are some large companies that do not import Middle Eastern oil:
Sunoco…………………..       0 barrels
Conoco…………………..       0 barrels
Sinclair………………….       0 barrels
BP / Phillips…………….        0 barrels

Hess.       0 barrels
ARC0
………………….        0 barrels

Maverick………………….     0 barrels
Flying J. …………………      0 barrels
Valero…………………….. 0 barrels
· I AM GOING TO ADD THE FOLLOWING… J

  • Murphy Oil USA  sold at Wal-Mart is from South Arkansas and owned USA
  • Not only that they give scholarships to all children in their town who finish high school and are legal US citizens.

All of this information is available from the U.S. Department of Energy and each company is required to state where they get their oil and how much they are importing.

But to have a real impact, we need to reach literally millions of gas buyers.  With the help of the internet, it’s really simple to do.  Now, don’t wimp out at this point….keep reading and I’ll explain how simple it is to reach millions of people!!

I’m sending this note to about thirty people.  If each of you send it to at only ten more (30 x 10 = 300)….and those 300 send it to at least ten more (300 x 10 = 3,000)….and so on, by the time the message reaches the sixth generation of people, we will have reached over THREE MILLION consumers!!

If those three million get excited and pass this on to ten friends each, then 30 million people will have been contacted!  If it goes one level further, you guessed it….THREE HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE-the entire population of the United States of America !!!!


Again, all you have to do is forward this message to 10 people. How long would that really take you?  If each of us sends this e-mail out to ten more people, within one day all 300 MILLION people could theoretically be contacted during the next eight days!

June 8th, 2008 by admin

READ TO THE BOTTOM FOR QUOTE OF THE MONTH BY JAY LENO. IF YOU DON’T READ ANYTHING ELSE—VERY WELL STATED

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and 70’s!!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn’t get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

As infants &children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat..

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank Kool-aid made with sugar, but we weren’t overweight because,

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day.And we were OK.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo’s, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD’s, no surround-sound or CD’s, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or chat rooms…….

WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not poke out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend’s house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

If YOU are one of them CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good .

While you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave (and lucky) their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn’t it?!

The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:

‘With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?’

June 7th, 2008 by admin

It is time to change from REDNECK humor to TRUE AMERICAN Humor!

Only it isn’t seen as HUMOR, but the correct way to
LIVE YOUR LIFE ! If you feel the same, pass this on to your True American friends. Y’all know who they are…

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if:
It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, ‘One nation, under God.’

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if:
You’ve never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if:
You still say ‘Christmas‘ instead of ‘Winter Festival.’

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if:
You bow your head when someone prays.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if:
You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if:
You treat Viet Nam vets with great respect, and always have.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if:
You’ve never burned an American flag.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if:
You know what you believe and you aren’t afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if:
You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if:
You’d give your last dollar to a friend.

June 7th, 2008 by admin

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally , the guys’ side of the story. We always hear ‘the rules’ from the female side.   Now here are the rules from the male side.

Please note.. These are all numbered ‘1′  ON PURPOSE!

1.   Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You’re a big girl.  If it’s up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports.  It’s like the full moon
Or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are.
Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the   other one .

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color.
Pumpkin i s also a fruit.  We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing,’ we will act like nothing’s wrong
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to,
Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere,
absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really .

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball
Or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape.   Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couc h tonight;

But did you know men really don’t mind that?  It’s like camping.

May 20th, 2008 by admin

Weatherman dropping knowledgeIt appears our African-American friends have found yet something else to be pissed about. A black congresswoman reportedly complained that the names of hurricanes are all Caucasian sounding names. She would prefer some names that reflect African-American culture such as Chamiqua, Tanisha, Woeisha, Shaqueal, and Jamal. She would also like the weather reports to be broadcast in Language that street people can understand because one of the problems in New Orleans is that regular folks couldn’t understand the seriousness of the situation due to the racially biased language of the weather report.

I can hear it now: A weatherman in Houston says…

“Wazzup, mutha-fukkas! Hehr-i-cane Chamiqua be headin’ fo’ yo ass like Leroy on a crotch rocket! Bitch be a category fo’! So grab yo’ chirren, yo’ Ho, be leavin yo crib, and head fo’ da nearest guv’ment office fo yo FREE shit!”

April 3rd, 2008 by admin

“>Gambling addiction
The Zolad Another one of Zolad’s emails regarding the car crash he was in that broke his neck and left him in a 32 day coma. Typed as-is, no spell-checking or editing.


Trust me, after being clinically dead I *REMEMBER VIVIDLY* what is there … please trust me, you have a soul because I’ve been there!! I’ve seen several & I’ll have to explain how that’s possible. Make no mistake dude … PLEASE KNOW, FROM YOUR OWN PAL, what I saw was NOT a hallucination. Since I can pinpoint exactly when it was, I am SURE that I was (at the time) dead and never expected to regain consciousness according to the police report. They were so sure I was dead, a coroner was on the scene to collect my corpse in a meat wagon. I was really flat-lined for that long. I know I died shortly, but I was sober as a judge at the time of the accident, because they did an extensive tox-screen.The deeper question is “if my life was so based in sex, drugs & partying and not giving a shit of others … basically sin … if there’s a “supposed hell” … shouldn’t I have seen that instead?? What I saw was NOT HELL … it was the opposite. YET, I know their *WAS* an opposite force to what I saw.The answer I have been looking at, has taken about 15 months of talking, reading what I can, research & more talking with deeply spiritual people. The conclusions I have come to now (with the help of others with NO RELIGIOUS AGENDA) are few but they are VERY VERY intense and the mere thinking of it will keep a thoughtful person awake thinking and re-thinking and re-thinking those thoughts. The paradoxes are simply amazing. If you wanna get into it at all, it’s WAY to much to type. We gotta do a video meeting … after hearing me, make your own decision.Yours truly,The Zolad